Thursday, January 17, 2008

Wrong side of the bed

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. There are several reasons for it. One could be that I dreamt that Emma almost died and I remember praying in my dream to not take her but take the baby in my tummy because I couldn't bear "watching" my child die. But if this little one died I wouldn't have to watch it happen. How sick and twisted it that?? It is embarrassing saying it out loud. Then as I lay there(not daring to close my eyes for fear of seeing that scene again) Emma and Sarah came in the room and said that Matthew peed in the bed. So I told them to hop on the top bunk and go back to sleep. This was about 5 am. Sarah has to get up for school at 6 am. They never went back to sleep. They lay there talking and making noise. That is enough to drive someone batty. Not the fact that I was awake but the fact that the house was suppose to be perfectly quiet at 5 am and it wasn't. So this is my attempt at changing my day for the better. Here is a question for ya(I do expect answers) Why did you decide to become a mom? I think that the answer is probably the same for so many of us. Me? Well it was always something that I wanted to do. I had always hoped that I would have a family instead of having to go to school for something. Being mom is so hard sometimes. YOu have such heartache at times. But then again you can look at the total opposite way.

If I never had kids I would never have seen my child want to please Heavenly Father so much that every day they ask mom, would this make him happy? She even asked if Heavenly Father would be sad that I poured soda out on the grass. How cute is that?
If I never had kids then I would not have learned to be as patient as I am now(I may not have massive amounts of patience but you should have seen me with #1 kid)
If I never had kids I would miss out on the gut wrenching laughter created by one brother watching another brother throw cereal up in the air and catching it in his mouth
If I never had kids I would miss out on watching them share because of something that I may have taught them
If I never had kids I would have missed out on getting hugged so tight that I couldn't breath
If I never had kids I would miss out on getting the most sweet slobbery kisses ever invented on this green earth
If I never had kids I would miss out on seeing the kids excitement about how awesome different stories in the Book of Mormon are or hearing a kid say I really don't like that book of MOsiah because they eat their families in that one
Hey I think its worked a little bit. You know what I am a mother because I want to be and because I am privileged to be because the Lord trusted me enough to let me do this job. I have an obligation to my children to be a good mother. Even if being a good mother means to suck up the fact that I didn't wake up the best way in the world and be sweet to my children.


The Longnecker Zoo said...

For me, having children was the only thing I ever wanted to do with my life. I have always loved children. Yes they are hard adn sometime you want to strangle them. But it is the good times, the times where they catch onto the things you are teaching them, and the times they teach you that make life with children good. I feel sorry for those people who never WANT children. They are missing out on a joyous, hard, fun, stressful, blissful world!

Leighanna said...

Honestly, I just felt I needed William. I'm sure you felt that before. Of course, I want to be a great many things, but I was so ready to be someone who got to help a little one explore this world. I very much wanted someone to be my buddy and companion and who definately looked just like their daddy. If I could have dozens of little people who look like their daddy, I'd love it (If they were perfect all the time. But in this case, I'll settle for 3!!) :o)

Anonymous said...

We have children so we can have grandchildren! Love ya, Charlotte

Sydney said...

I also want to have children and I was just laying in bed this morning thinking that I missed my kids. All of them live in different states so we visit on occassions. I am crazy about my grandchildren but sometimes I miss my children also. I too feel sorry for those who chose not to have children. Mom